Assertiveness is one of the most used terms in the professional world today. For what ? What does it mean in concrete terms? Are we naturally assertive? What is the impact? How can you work on your assertiveness? So many questions that deserve some clarification… Overview with Sandrine Bertrand, trainer in communication, management and personal development.
Assertiveness, what are we talking about? Concept coined by the American psychologist Andrew Salter at the beginning of the 20th centurye century, assertiveness refers to the ability to express ideas or defend rights without aggression towards others.
Assertiveness, a skill that can be acquired
As a manager, are we automatically assertive? We naturally function by interpreting everything our senses pick up. In other words, the environment has a significant impact on our relationships with others. Our constant interpretations are fragile because they are very often distorted or disconnected from reality. We then enter – most of the time, without even realizing it – into the world of judgment and beliefs, as much by our nature as our education or our culture. And the combination of all this has an impact on our behavior. To summarize, no one is truly assertive by nature. On the contrary, it requires efforts to raise awareness, step back and a real desire to improve things to become so!
Assertiveness, your ally for good management
Whatever your hierarchical level, assertiveness is your best ally for promote trust, listening, cohesion and involvement of your employees. Indeed, by being assertive about your positions, with listening and kindness, you lay solid and lasting foundations. As you will have understood, to be assertive, you must already have good self-esteem. Self-esteem is built around self-image, self-love and self-confidence. A winning hat-trick that makes you strong! And which goes hand in hand with a certain flexibility of mind as well as a true humility, sincere and connected to the surrounding reality.
Without assertiveness, the major risk is to slip into passivity, aggressiveness, or manipulation.
| Passivity | Aggressiveness | Handling |
|---|---|---|
| let everything be, including what doesn't suit you. | In the managerial framework, this manifests itself at the very least through an excess of authority. | Malicious hold exercised on a person to control them. |
The consequences will be harmful at all levels, for the manager but also the team or the company. Loss of cohesion, bad decisions or positions taken, unsuitable or unaccepted choices... the range of problems generated is wide.
So, how to do it?
Assertiveness starts with yourself!
Dare to move forward and progress! To develop your assertiveness, you have to step out of your comfort zone and little by little take the “risk” of evolving. In other words, you have to challenge yourself.
Assert yourself by developing your self-confidence
Self-confidence is an essential prerequisite for assertiveness. Where to start ?
- Clarify your wants and needs. Rather than waiting, take charge and be an actor in the change you want.
- List your qualities and all the good things you can hear about yourself. Reread them every day, adding to them whenever necessary.
- Set yourself some SMART objectives, for yourself first, in particular to encourage you to dare, without feeling in danger. Little by little is often the best compromise. And don't forget to work on your mind before, during and after achieving your goals.
- Encourage yourself – out loud if possible – by always stating your goals in a positive way, in the present and in the future.
- Visualize yourself or imagine yourself achieving your goals.
- Congratulate yourself on each milestone you reach. Make positive thinking and mental strength your best assets!
Positive thinking and mental strength are resources already present within us. To learn how to exploit them, we can rely on certain techniques based on visualization and mental suggestion. For example: hypnosis, sophrology, mental preparation.
Assertiveness requires sincere and authentic communication
To improve your assertiveness, listening is often the first quality to work on. Indeed, listen actively, with neutrality, allows you to build trust with your colleagues. So get into the habit of letting others express themselves completely without interrupting them.
Furthermore, be “real” in your discussions. Ask yourself what you can accept or not and respect your limits. Knowing how to say no with kindness is imperative and beneficial when managing. To help you, note or remind yourself of the disadvantages of giving an unwanted “yes” as well as the benefits of giving an assertive and thoughtful “no”. You can also opt for an intermediate response, such as “I’ll think about it”.
Finally, make sure you understand the exchange. To do this, ask questions, especially open-ended questions, and don't hesitate to rephrase them.
Understanding, welcoming and managing your emotions
How does managing emotions influence assertiveness? An emotion is an energy that carries information. It is a signal that your body sends to you to inform you, make you react to a situation and help you make a decision. Our culture often teaches us to deny our emotions, particularly by controlling their physical manifestations. For example, we don't cry in front of others, we don't shout... Of course, this may seem consistent for living in society. However, a negative emotion must be able to be welcomed and recognized as such. This is essential to allow you to move on and therefore move forward. Otherwise, this negative emotion will remain anchored in you. In the long run, this can cause professionally inappropriate behavior: outbursts of anger, impatience, stress and annoyance, etc. Which, of course, will have a negative impact on relationships with your team and risks causing dysfunction within the team. 'business. Hence the importance of knowing how to accept and calmly use your emotions.
But how to do it ?
- Meditation allows you to become aware of what is happening inside you. It is one of the keys to developing self-knowledge.
- Many breathing exercises can help you manage negative emotions. When we are under pressure, upset or angry, we breathe poorly. Our “reactive” brain takes control and it becomes almost impossible to listen to others in good conditions. Besides, don’t we often say, “let me breathe” when we feel the pressure building?
- We can also express our negative emotions physically in appropriate circumstances. For example: doing sports (running, boxing, etc.), shouting in a deserted place, calming down in contact with nature, etc.
It's up to you to decide what suits you best!
With better self-understanding, good management of one's emotions and greater listening skills, assertiveness becomes more and more natural. Numerous training courses, coaching and group support can help you progress quickly.
